Love is one of our most profound emotions, in all of its forms. From the way we feel about a trusted friendship or the warmth of our family holidays, to the exhilaration of romantic connection, love shapes who we are, how we think, and how we feel.

Love is all around us at this time of year. The holidays bring out so much love in humanity, sometimes with painful memories. Yet we still revel in the loving spirit of the season. Which is why I decided to write this for the holidays. So Much Love:)

First, let’s note that love isn’t just an abstract concept for romance novels or the holidays—it’s a scientifically measurable phenomenon with marked effects on the mind and body.

Science is uncovering more about how love impacts our mind chemistry, activates specific neural circuits, and influences our emotional and physical health. Every single day.

On the flip side, the absence of love—whether due to isolation, rejection, or loneliness—can cause significant harm.

Let’s dive into the science of love and how we humans respond to this oh so powerful emotion.

Love and the Mind: A Chemical Symphony

Love orchestrates a symphony of neurotransmitters that influence emotions, motivation, and behavior. These chemicals create the feelings of connection and euphoria we associate with love. Let’s take a quick look at them.

Dopamine: The Fuel of Desire and Reward

Dopamine, the mind’s "feel-good" neurotransmitter, plays a central role in the experience of love. It’s released during moments of affection and connection, creating feelings of euphoria and a drive to seek out relationships.

Dopamine is particularly active during the initial stages of romantic love, where it fuels the intense passion and excitement of new connections. Dopamine doesn’t just enhance pleasure; it also strengthens memory, ensuring we vividly recall moments with loved ones, which serves to reinforce those bonds. Which is also why it’s hard for many to break the bonds of love, even when it’s an obvious choice.

We can all recall our first love, and the loves after that. Think back to that moment of fresh, heart lifting magic and euphoria that made you feel as if your life was, indeed, pure bliss. The colors around you seem brighter, sounds flow more melodiously, everything you touch seems more special. Mundane tasks become momentous, our world seems to throb with joy and wonder.

Welcome to dopamine at its finest.

Oxytocin: The Bonding Hormone

Known as the "love hormone," oxytocin is critical for fostering trust, attachment, and emotional intimacy. Released during physical touch, such as hugs, cuddling, or intimate moments, oxytocin enhances the sense of safety and belonging.

Oxytocin’s effects go beyond the initial moment. In long-term relationships, it strengthens bonds by reducing fear and promoting emotional openness. In platonic relationships, oxytocin fosters collaboration and deepens friendships.

We all have people in our lives who just make us feel good. One hug and a bad day gets brighter, a simple touch and your heart just gets happier. Think about a special friend or lover walking toward you. Notice your emotional response as they come closer and finally hug you. You feel better the moment you see them and it just gets better as you hug and connect.

That’s oxytocin at work.

Serotonin: Balancing Emotions

While dopamine and oxytocin create excitement and connection, serotonin helps regulate mood and maintain emotional balance.

Interestingly, serotonin levels can dip during the early stages of romantic love, which is why new relationships often bring obsessive thoughts and heightened focus on a partner. We literally lose our emotional balance. Over time, as relationships stabilize, serotonin levels return to normal, promoting long-term emotional stability.

Remember when you were newly in love and completely obsessed with your new flame? I still remember my first love. I couldn't stop thinking about him, writing his name in a heart in my doodles, living in a constant romantic daydream. I was six and he was my dog’s vet, but I knew he was the one.

Serotonin works at any age it seems.

How Love Shapes the Mind

Love doesn’t just release a chemical cocktail; it physically shapes and rewires the mind’s programming. Specific regions of the mind become more active during experiences of love, influencing our thoughts, behaviors, and perceptions.

The more these centers are activated, the more they influence our lives. For example:

The Ventral Tegmental Area (VTA): The Source of Desire

The ventral tegmental area (VTA) is a dopamine-rich region in the mind’s reward system that plays a pivotal role in feelings of love and desire. When it activates, it releases bursts of dopamine, creating sensations of excitement, pleasure, and motivation. This mechanism is particularly pronounced during the early stages of romantic attraction, often referred to as the "honeymoon phase."

Dopamine from the VTA doesn’t just create fleeting euphoria—it conditions the mind to associate the presence of a loved one with reward. Every interaction with the object of affection reinforces the neural pathways linked to positive feelings, which is why you feel energized and driven to spend more time with them.

Studies using functional MRI scans show that the VTA lights up in response to images or thoughts of a romantic partner, even years into a relationship. This activation strengthens the bond, creating a self-reinforcing loop: the more dopamine released, the stronger the bond grows, and the more you seek to maintain the connection.

Over time, the VTA’s impacts transition from the initial thrill of romantic love to the steady reinforcement of long-term affection. This shift ensures a relationship evolves beyond passion into deeper, more enduring forms of love, such as companionship and trust.

Who hasn’t felt addicted to a new love, felt that addiction deepen over time, desiring even more interactions? Who hasn’t felt that high, and wanted to stay there forever after? I still remember my first adult love. I was head over heels. Then I found him with an old girlfriend. I still to this day remember the high of that love, and the crushing devastation that followed. Even though I logically knew better, my mind and body still craved that dopamine hit he created in my world.

Robert Palmer was right. We are addicted to love.

The Nucleus Accumbens: Processing Reward

The nucleus accumbens, another key player in the reward system, is responsible for processing the feelings of pleasure and reinforcement associated with love. While the VTA sparks desire, the nucleus accumbens evaluates and sustains the rewarding nature of relationships.

This region works as a feedback loop, connecting the emotional highs of love with specific individuals or actions. For instance, when a partner expresses affection, shares a moment of laughter, or offers support, the nucleus accumbens helps associate these actions with positive feelings. Over time, these associations deepen, ensuring you continue to invest emotionally and practically in the relationship.

Interestingly, the nucleus accumbens also mediates the transition from the initial passion-driven stages of love to long-term commitment. This is achieved through the interplay of dopamine and oxytocin, creating a balance between reward and emotional attachment.

Research indicates that the nucleus accumbens is particularly active in individuals who report high levels of relationship satisfaction, suggesting its role in sustaining not just the bond but the quality of that bond over time.

We don’t feel the same kind of love for everyone. Each love has its own flavor and feel, its own texture in our hearts and feelings. Our mind associates different types of feelings with different people. For example, the way you love your parents is totally different than the way you love a partner. Yet we continue to invest in these relationships, thanks to our mind’s reinforcement.

Amygdala: Quieting Fear

The amygdala, a brain region associated with fear and emotional processing, undergoes significant changes during experiences of love. In contrast to the heightened activity seen in stressful or fearful situations, the amygdala becomes less active when you experience feelings of love and connection.

This reduced activity plays a crucial role in fostering trust and intimacy. By quieting fear responses, the amygdala allows you to feel safe and secure in the presence of a loved one, whether a partner, friend, or family member. This "safety signal" encourages vulnerability, helping you open up emotionally and strengthen bonds.

Interestingly, the dampening of amygdala activity may also explain why love can sometimes "blind" you to a partner's flaws. By reducing critical assessments, the brain prioritizes connection and attachment over potential threats or imperfections.

In long-term relationships, this process is critical for sustaining bonds. When trust and safety are established, the amygdala’s role diminishes, allowing the prefrontal cortex—the brain’s rational and decision-making center—to take a more active role in navigating conflicts or challenges.

Neuroscientists have observed that individuals with securely attached relationships show consistently lower baseline amygdala activity, indicating a long-term calming effect. This suggests that love doesn’t just quiet fear in the moment—it rewires the brain to promote lasting emotional stability.

When we are in love we are unstoppable! We become superhuman, and the target of our affection is saintly in their perfection. We crave that connection, that feeling of belonging and oneness we experience with them. In platonic love, we savor the joy we feel around those we love, savoring the trust and closeness, the sharing. We don’t notice the warning signs that might shift that feeling. This is why I dated men who were just like my abusive dad and yet I didn’t see their truth. I was so in love with love, with the dopamine hits and feeling of wonder that I didn;t want to notice that they were sociopathic or worse. All I wanted was that feeling, that bliss that each one brought to me.

Yes, I’m beyond that now. Thankfully.

The Emotional and Mental Benefits of Love

The effects of love extend far beyond the mind. Relationships profoundly impact mental health, promoting emotional resilience and psychological well-being.

Enhancing Mood and Emotional Stability

The interplay of dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin creates a potent neurochemical recipe for emotional well-being.

Here’s the scoop on that oh-so-special cocktail.

Dopamine activates the brain’s reward system, reinforcing feelings of pleasure and motivation, especially when interacting with loved ones. It keeps us engaged and committed to relationships, particularly during challenging times.
Oxytocin enhances bonding and moderates emotional reactivity, reducing the intensity of negative emotions like anger or jealousy. It’s a stabilizer for mood swings, allowing individuals to feel a consistent sense of security and support.
Serotonin, essential for regulating mood, is bolstered by positive social interactions, particularly in stable, long-term relationships. A study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies showed that individuals with higher serotonin levels experienced fewer symptoms of depression and reported greater life satisfaction.

The result of this mental “love cocktail?” Our loving relationships act as emotional anchors, grounding individuals during life’s inevitable ups and downs. Romantic partnerships, friendships, and even strong familial ties give us a buffer against emotional turbulence, improving overall happiness and reducing our vulnerability to depression or anxiety disorders.

Fostering Resilience

Supportive relationships significantly enhance resilience, or the ability to recover from adversity.

From a neuroscience perspective, love strengthens neural circuits associated with emotional regulation and problem-solving. The prefrontal cortex, which governs rational thinking and decision-making, is better able to manage stress and challenges when bolstered by positive social connections.

Research from the American Psychological Association found that individuals in loving relationships experience fewer symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) following traumatic events. This is largely because these relationships provide emotional resources, such as encouragement and validation, that help regulate the HPA axis (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis), which is the body’s stress response system.

On a practical level, supportive relationships also offer tangible help—whether it’s a listening ear, guidance, or assistance with daily tasks. This combined emotional and practical support creates a psychological safety net, reducing the perception of threats and fostering confidence in one’s ability to overcome challenges.

For example, caregivers for chronically ill loved ones who report high levels of emotional support are not only less likely to experience burnout but also show greater resilience and adaptability in managing stressful situations. This underscores the transformative role love plays in building a foundation for mental and emotional strength.

People often ask me how I could have survived, much less thrived, following my childhood. I have a simple answer. My Mom. Once she knew what was happening, she stepped in and protected me like a fierce mother wolf. She also surrounded me with the most loving, safe and magical space anyone could imagine. Her never wavering love gave me such a safety net that I was able to function. Of course, I also buried the memories after she told me we would never speak or think of “it” again… which wasn’t exactly helpful in the long term. Still, she loved me in a way that was palpable to me. My best friend, confidant and always there, always for me savior. She is the reason I am resilient to this day. And for that, I am beyond grateful. There’s no word that expresses what she gave to me, and how much I love her for it.

The Consequences of Isolation

While love nourishes the brain and body, the absence of love—manifesting as loneliness or isolation—can have detrimental effects.

We see this all around us post-Covid. People have been isolated from their loved ones, consequently shifting their behaviors to be more isolated. The consequences are far beyond the loss of a loved one. Add the constant Survival Mind triggers all around us and we have a perfect storm of anxiety, fear, loneliness and depression. All due to the world’s impact on our mind’s programming.

Isolation creates its own set of challenges.

Increased Stress and Anxiety

Without the calming influence of oxytocin and serotonin, isolation often leads to elevated cortisol levels. Translation: Anxiety, and lots of it. Which then creates stress, which overtime becomes chronic as our minds create a pattern assuming we want the stress since we are focused on the negative. Chronic stress weakens the immune system, disrupts sleep, and increases the risk of anxiety disorders. And we wonder why we’re all sick and tired?

Cognitive Decline

Loneliness has been linked to accelerated cognitive decline in older adults. Thisnis why it’s so important to assure daily positive interactions for our older loved ones. Without regular social interaction, the mind receives less stimulation, which can lead to memory loss and decreased mental agility. Games and puzzles help keep our neuroplasticity active so we process our thoughts and can adapt as we age. Love and connection help us maintain our memory and support our logical thinking. We need both.

Higher Risk of Illness

Social isolation is associated with a higher risk of chronic illnesses such as heart disease, diabetes, and depression. The lack of emotional and physical support during stressful times exacerbates these conditions. A 2023 study highlighted by the American College of Cardiology found that social isolation and loneliness are associated with higher rates of heart failure. The research indicates that individuals experiencing loneliness had a significantly increased risk of heart failure, emphasizing the critical role of social connections in maintaining cardiovascular health.

If you look around, you’ll see the consequences of Isolation, fear and anxiety in so many. So what can you do to avoid the experience?

Cultivating Love and Connection

The good news is that love isn’t limited to romantic relationships—it can be cultivated in many forms, from deep friendships to acts of kindness toward strangers.

After all my childhood memories moved into my conscious mind, I went down hard. I spent so much time alone, in fear, shock, disbelief and frankly, overwhelm. I couldn’t get out of the house. I was so devastated, and the US’ PTSD treatment only made me worse.

Even before I began to study our minds, I knew then that I had to do something to bring myself out of the funk. My go to has always been GRATITUDE. Yet it was hard to be grateful in the midst of learning that my entire life had pretty much been a lie.

I decided to pull myself up and get myself going, so I did some research on how to conquer depression. I learned a lot, enough to get myself out of the funk, to realize I needed more than I was getting from therapy, and most importantly, to begin to seek answers. I focused on moments in my past that were joyous, loving, when my heart soared and my world was oh so perfect. I’d replay those moments in my mind, fully reliving them.

I also started my gratitude journal again, which had somehow slipped away during my therapy. Every morning and night I wrote down the 10 things I was grateful for. Some days it was simply that I was breathing, had water and food and shelter. Regardless, I focused on bringing gratitude and love into my heart.

And gradually, I climbed out. At least enough to reach out and find more answers, and then more answers, and over time, pure magic.

Today, I understand exactly how my memories and gratitude helped to shift my mind and my body. You can do it too. Here are a few simple steps that have amazing impacts.

Prioritize Time with Others

We all got so accustomed to being alone during Covid. Many are still isolated. It’s important to plan time when you can chat with, see or even be one on one with your people. We are blessed to have Zoom and Facetime and so many more options. It’s not the same as a physical connection, but it’s far better than pure isolation.

Phone calls, group conversations online, zoom or other video calls all matter. A Lot. if you can’t get out, you can reach out. No matter how depressed or tired or anxious you are… just do it.

If you can be with people, get out there. Make a commitment to see other humans at least once a week at a minimum. People you know, not just walking through the grocery.

Social networks can also help. Just avoid the negative nellies and ragers. Not helpful. At all.

Express Gratitude

Gratitude releases dopamine, which amplifies the mind’s reward system. Gratitude is also a very powerful form of love…

My experience is pretty simple. When I do my gratitude journal every morning and evening, my world changes. When I don’t do it, my world changes again, and not the way I want it to go.

I also go through my day aware of what’s around me. I have programmed my mind to seek out things to be grateful about. When things happen, or I see things that I’m grateful for, I stop. I pause and say “I’m grateful for….” Then I focus on feeling the warmth and lift that comes with that gratitude. I linger in that bliss (dopamine) and pretty much wallow in it

I know, it sounds too easy to be true - but it works.The more grateful I am, and the more I focus on experiencing the bliss that comes with that gratitude, the better my life goes.

I’ve had a lot of traumatic experiences in my life, beyond my childhood. Gratitude is my superpower too.

Make Physical Affection a Priority

Physical touch, such as hugs or holding hands, boosts oxytocin levels, creating feelings of safety and closeness. So hug people- friends, coworkers who won’t be offended, your friends, your family. Heck I hug the guy who loads my horse feed. I take whatever I can get.

What if you’re alone?

I've been alone for most of my life now. The last decade plus I was so sick with Neural Lyme disease I could barely get out of bed. I could go weeks without physical contact.

What did I do?

I hugged myself. Seriously. Wrapped my arms around me and fed myself all the love and joy I could muster. I also hugged my childhood stuffed toys that I still have. They hug back in their own way. I hugged my dogs and my horses…such a gift.

It works, even though it sounds corny. Try it… And yes, I finally found a solution to the Lyme and today, I’m stronger and healthier than I’ve been in decades. Loving myself had a lot to do with it, by the way. But that’s another post.

The Bottom Line

Love is far more than an emotion—it’s a neurological high that transforms our brains, bodies, and lives. From the chemicals it releases to the brain regions it activates, love fosters connection, resilience, and well-being. Not to mention pure bliss.

When we understand the science of love, we can take simple steps to cultivate deeper, more meaningful connections.

After all, love isn’t just something we feel—it’s something we do, and its power to heal and uplift is limitless.

All my blessings to you and yours for a love-filled holiday season. May you nurture that love throughout the coming year.

Wired for Connection: The Science Behind Love