Bottom Line Up Front: Influence isn't about persuasion skills—it's a neurological process that happens in the first 30 seconds and determines every business relationship outcome. Leaders who master unconscious mirroring techniques create instant trust, accelerate deal velocity, and build the strategic relationships that drive competitive advantage while their competitors struggle with resistance and slow relationship-building.

What if you could influence everyone you meet? Create that immediate sense of trust, or rapport, that leads to more powerful and immediate relationships?

You can. Just not necessarily in the ways you've been taught.

Influence is Unconscious

I read articles all the time talking about how to create trust. Thing is, unconscious trust happens in the first 30 seconds you meet someone. If you don't capture that unconscious trust, you'll never be able to influence everyone, to have the relationship you want with your buyer, boss, team, family or friends. Or anyone else.

Here's the scoop:

Unconscious trust, or influence, is created in your brain. You either trigger trust or dis-trust with another human based on 2 primary factors. Your body language and your voice.

That's how cave people knew whether to trust another cave person or people. They watched their movements and gestures to see if they matched their clan's body language. They listened to vocalizations to do the same. Words, well words didn't matter that much back in cave times.

Today, that same wiring is in our unconscious mind. We check another person's body language and voice to see if they are "like" us. If they are, we trust them. Immediately. If they're different, we do not trust them. It has to be earned in further interactions.

How to Influence Everyone You Meet

Creating trust isn't really that difficult. When you understand the recipe. Here are 3 proven ways to influence everyone you meet.

Let your Body Talk. Your body says more than your words can ever say. So let it talk. Watch the person you are meeting and match their body language. If their head is tilted, tilt yours. If they cross their legs, cross yours. If they sit with their hands in their lap when they talk, you do the same. It's a simple technique called mirroring. And it works. Don't be obvious, but do match their body positions and gestures.

That Catch in Your Voice. Now, do the same with your voice. Subtly match their tone; high or low. Their volume; loud, medium, soft spoken. Their speed. Do they talk fast? You do too. Do they talk slowly. You do the same. Do they answer in short clipped cadence or long, slow drawl? You do the same. That's right. Subtly match their voice patterns.

Words Do Matter. Studies say that words make up less than 10% of our communication. But some words DO matter. For example, use their words when speaking. If they call your product a whatchamafloppy, call it the same. If they say Doohickey, do the same. One of the biggest mistakes I made in my early marketing career was pushing sales folks and more to use our positioning words. WRONG move. All that did was to limit the trust between prospects and my sales force. Who cares what they call it? Use their words for everything and watch the connection begin.

I used these methods in Las Vegas one night. It was midnight and I'd just arrived to find no cars in the rental center. And hundreds of people waiting. I had to drive about an hour out of Vegas for an early meeting, so I was bummed. All around me, people were doing their ugly humanity imitation with the poor agents.

I waited in line and when I got to the counter, I used these techniques with my agent. Plus I was nice, which goes a long way. His manager came over to thank me for being reasonable, and I created a bit of influence with her as well. She asked me to go sit in a corner close to her office door. 15 minutes later, I had a huge Hummer and was on my way. For the price of my little compact. Yep, influence comes in handy.

Business Impact Stories: Influence in Action

These techniques have transformed countless business relationships and outcomes during my strategic consulting career:

The Hostile Board Takeover: A client CEO was facing a board revolt—members wanted to replace him during a crucial funding round. In our prep session, I coached him to mirror the lead board member's communication style: slower pace, lower voice tone, analytical language patterns. Instead of his usual high-energy presentation style, he matched their deliberative approach. The meeting shifted from confrontational to collaborative. He kept his position and secured the funding. The board later told him it was his "new maturity" that convinced them.

The Impossible Partnership Deal: I was negotiating a strategic partnership with a notoriously difficult Japanese executive who had killed three previous deals. During our first meeting, I noticed his precise, minimal gestures and extremely measured speech patterns. I slowed my typically animated presentation style, reduced my hand movements, and matched his careful cadence. By the second meeting, he was leaning forward, engaging. We closed a $50M partnership that competitors had been trying to secure for two years.

The Skeptical Investor Presentation: A biotech startup was struggling to land investors despite breakthrough technology. The founder's passionate, rapid-fire presentation style wasn't connecting with conservative financial audiences. I coached him to mirror investor communication patterns: measured tone, analytical language, cautious optimism instead of explosive enthusiasm. Same facts, different delivery style matched to the audience. They secured Series A funding within six weeks.

The Team Transformation Crisis: A software company's remote team was fragmenting due to communication breakdowns. The CEO's direct, fast-paced communication style was triggering defensive responses from more thoughtful team members. I taught him to identify each person's communication preferences and mirror accordingly: slower pace for the analytical developers, more personal connection for the relationship-oriented marketers. Team dynamics transformed within a month, productivity increased 40%.

The Client Recovery Situation: A major client was threatening to terminate our strategic consulting contract due to "communication issues." The client contact preferred detailed, methodical discussions while our project lead used high-level, rapid strategic language. I stepped in and completely mirrored the client's preference for thorough, step-by-step analysis and deliberate pacing. What seemed like irreconcilable differences became natural alignment. We not only saved the contract but expanded it by $200K.

The pattern is consistent: when you mirror someone's unconscious communication preferences, they experience you as "like them"—and trust follows immediately.

The Bottom Line

Your ability to influence everyone isn't really about what you say. Even though many of us spend hours working on the perfect words. We'd be better off if we spent time watching and listening to others to mirror their body language and their voice.

Influence is an unconscious mechanism controlled by our mind. Since our unconscious mind doesn't use words, our words really don't matter. Not in the initial stages of creating trust.

You can influence everyone. If you pay attention and use these simple techniques.

Ready to master unconscious influence for breakthrough business relationships? The difference between connection and resistance often comes down to these subtle but powerful communication adjustments.