My Mind Made Me Do It
My mind has always known I’m a cowgirl. I’ve been horse crazy since I was a kid. I showed 4H and barrels, and then I got into reined cow horses. What a sport! It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, worse than learning to ice skate at 55:).
Part of my challenge was my precious mare, Pearli. She had a tough start, and the show pen became a scary place for her. The first time I showed her, she tried to lay down rather than go into that arena. It took three guys to get her in. After that, it was like Toad’s Wild Ride… every single time we walked through that gate.
We worked hard to heal that panic. At home, she was calm mostly. But when we went to a show, the first run often became an expose for a fire-breathing dragon.
We went to another show and history repeated itself. Pearli was a little skittish outside the arena, and I felt her amping up. I thought I had it handled. Wrong. Every maneuver was like a leaping lizard dancing the cha-cha.
When we rode out of the arena, I was not a happy camper. My trainer wasn’t happy with me either. “You caused it all,” was all he would say.
Say what? I caused it? No way. She was being bad, and I was the victim….HINT: If only I understood my brain at that point.
My trainer’s wife looked at me, shook her head, and in her quiet way, let me know that I had indeed been the cause. I still denied it. I blamed Pearli again. I sobbed and wailed in my trailer. I decided to quit, maybe take up something easier—like checkers.
Finally, I sat down and replayed the runs in my head. I couldn’t find anything I’d done wrong. She’d been the crazy horse, not me!
Before we called it a night, my trainer suggested I watch my video. So, I did. Nothing. Nada. I rode great, and she was the problem. Forget what he says, I’m innocent! (Note: My trainer had more world championships than I have shoes. Uh-huh.)
The next morning, I woke up and replayed the feelings and thoughts from the previous day. Suddenly, I knew what was happening.
We’d come so far in our home arena. Instead of fighting with her until she gave in, I’d learned to communicate softly, as if I were gently guiding baby ducks. She responded so well, and we learned how to be quiet, together.
But at the show, when she started to get antsy, my old patterns and programs took over. I brought out the heavy hand. Zero Tolerance. I essentially whacked the baby ducks. With a hammer. Poor Pearli.
Yep, I reverted back to that old response, and I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT. I would have sworn I was riding just like I did at home. I did swear that—over and over.
I couldn’t even see me doing the same old habits on the video.I watched and watched and couldn’t see it.
Until I had the realization. When I watched the video after the awareness, I saw it all!
The video literally changed before my eyes. Or was it my eyes that changed?
My Mind Made Me Do It
My experience was a reminder of just how powerful our unconscious mind is. It’s one thing to understand these concepts intellectually, but living them is quite a different story.
My journey with Pearli reinforced what I knew, but didn’t really apply in my world.
True change happens when we act to reprogram these deeply ingrained patterns in our day to day lives.
It’s a continuous process, one that requires patience, awareness, and, most of all, compassion for ourselves. Even with all the shifts and changes riding at home, my old show habits were the dominant programmed response in a show situation. My mind took me back to those habits as naturally as it would send me running from a gunman in an alley.
I didn’t even know it was happening. My conscious mind had no control, no say, other than to defend my honor. To protect me as is its primary goal. My mind was on autopilot—as we all live the majority of our lives.
Such is the way of our unconscious minds. We spin our reality to match what we believe and expect, based on our past experiences. We see, feel, and hear what we expect—even if what we see, feel, and hear has nothing to do with what actually happened.
And we wonder why history repeats itself?
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For those who might be curious, Pearl and I finally won. It felt like a world championship after a decade of pure hell in the pen. No more hammers for my precious baby duck. She retired shortly after we started winning with some bone issues. Today, she’s happy as a clam ruling her pasture with an iron hoof.
It just goes to show you—once we understand what’s happening in our minds, we can shift our programs and triggers, and reality follows.
Image courtesy of lilithshade
