We’ve all felt frustration, the equivalent of banging your head repeatedly against a wall. We all feel aggravated in different ways. Whether it’s at work, at home, with friends or your kids’ teachers and social groups. In today’s anxious world, frustration is rising.

That’s not a good thing when it comes to logical thinking, much less our blood pressure and nervous systems.

Let’s look at a personal example that was a repetitive frustration that I knew I needed to shift.

You’re part of a team tasked with solving a major challenge. The current approach is failing, and you’ve researched a better option that’s innovative, market changing and destined for greatness. Yet the group clings stubbornly to old methods, dismissing your ideas and all the evidence you collected. You’re surrounded by resistance, and you’re growing more frustrated as you wonder, Why can’t they see the damned facts?

This is far more than a workplace situation we all can relate to. It’s a window into how anxiety and frustration hijack our minds.

Frustration, born of unmet expectations, creates stress and a negative focus that feeds on itself. Over time, this cycle reinforces the very resistance you’re trying to overcome.

The Neuroscience of Frustration

Anxiety and frustration are closely linked.

Anxiety primes the brain for survival, activating the amygdala, the brain’s alarm system. Your survival mind steps into full control.
This triggers the HPA axis (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis), which floods your body with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.
Your body goes onto high alert which is not a state for problem-solving or thinking logically.
Your heart races, muscles tense, and attention narrows to focus on perceived and potential threats.

Frustration adds another layer of complexity.

When the reward system, centered in the nucleus accumbens, anticipates success—like the team understanding your idea—but reality falls short, the brain experiences a negative prediction error. We’ve all felt this let down in our expectations, and the energy jolt that can create negative emotions like anger, negative reactions and, yes, more frustration.
The negative prediction activates the amygdala again, adding more stress which further reduces our ability to think logically.

Physically, frustration tightens the body and restricts cognitive flexibility, making it harder to see alternatives. Emotionally, it narrows focus, locking attention onto the source of frustration.

The result? A loop where frustration feeds anxiety, and anxiety feeds frustration.

In my workplace example, what I saw again and again in my clients plays out. The group’s attachment to the safety of “the way we’ve always done it “ reflects this cycle.

Their unconscious anxiety about any change fuels resistance. Even more importantly, their own frustrations with new suggestions strengthens their attachment to “the way it’s always been.”
Meanwhile, your frustration grows as you struggle to be heard, deepening your emotional and physical stress. In my case, I can’t count the times I wanted to pound the conference table as I watched clients circle the wagons to hang on to the very processes, products, and plans that were killing their business.

Communication pretty much lapses, new information is log jammed behind the beauty of the way we’ve always done it, and forward progress grinds to a halt.

Everyone digs into their status quo and its perceived safety.

How Frustration Traps Attention

Frustration doesn’t just feel bad—it distorts how the mind processes information.

The prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thinking and decision-making, takes a backseat as the amygdala dominates. This imbalance shifts attention away from solutions and toward perceived threats, historical knowns, and safety as a priority. Tunnel vision rules, as the mind focuses on negatives, potential negatives, and avoiding them at all cost.

In my workplace example we discussed earlier, this looked like:

The group’s perspective: I watched individuals fixate on their own perceived and potential risks of any change. They dismissed the evidence without considering its merits, hauled out age-old business anecdotes and their best clients’ perspectives to prove that yesterday’s news is really for today. Any possibility of finding a better way ceases to exist. If only their best clients were actually profitable.
Your perspective: My focus would lock in on their resistance as a threat to my ideas and future. Instead of finding a way to work with their barriers, to show them the way and move things forward, I’d end up replaying arguments and frustrations in my mind and get more and more frustrated with myself and with the team.
I can’t begin to tell you how many times I left a client meeting exhausted, frustrated, and just plain downhearted. Not to mention upset with myself that I couldn’t seem to stay logical and thoughtful in the midst of the chaos.

This dynamic illustrates how frustration creates negative focus loops, where both sides reinforce their positions without progress. The brain becomes a feedback machine, replaying the same thoughts and emotions, strengthening neural pathways associated with frustration and resistance.

The longer this negative focus loop continues, the harder it is to break free.

Here’s the kick. The more we focus on the negative, the more we expect and experience negatively. It’s how our minds are wired.

Which is why asking yourself why you’re frustrated, and then deeply exploring it, is not the best approach. Just like therapy, it places your attention on what you don’t want. Which creates exactly that.

Fascination: The Antidote to Frustration

There is a simple way to shift your mind into a highly balanced and creative state…not to mention fun.

Transform your frustration into fascination .

Frustration locks the brain into survival mode. Fascination activates curiosity, openness, and creativity. By the way, fascination is my term for what some call Beginner’s Mind. The idea is to release all of your knowns and step into a state where you are fascinated with what is happening around you, no judgement, no pressure for goals. Simply take it all in with open curiosity.

The shift creates tremendous new opportunities.

Try this little exercise to feel the difference between the two.

Think back to a situation where you were highly frustrated. Breathe it in and relive it. Notice how your body and your mind tighten into defensive mode.
Now think back to a time you were fascinated by something. Notice the lift in your energy, your spirit, your body itself.

We all feel the difference.

I learned a lot about frustration as I healed my mind from the programming of my abusive childhood, not to mention the stress of 80 hour weeks in advanced tech. Fascination beats frustration every single time.

Here’s how fascination works in the mind:

Dopamine Release: Fascination triggers the release of dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical, enhancing motivation and focus. I’ve always been curious about learning and new things. For me, shifting to fascination opened my mind to a completely different perspective on whatever problem I was solving. The dopamine feels like warm hot chocolate on a cold night to my mind and body.
Prefrontal Cortex Activation: As curiosity replaces frustration, the prefrontal cortex regains control, improving cognitive flexibility and emotional regulation. Instead of negative energy and thinking, my mind began to move into true problem solving. No more pushing against the status quo =and now a focus on what pieces of it to include, how to blend my clients’ past with a successful future. No more either/or defensive frustration.
Amygdala Calming: Positive emotions dampen the amygdala’s alarm signals, reducing stress and promoting a sense of safety. My feelings of being attacked for new ideas quickly transformed into a calm state of taking in all the information and knowing that the outcome would be even better, that all was and would be just fine.

In the workplace example, fascination might look like shifting your approach. Instead of focusing on their resistance, you could engage their curiosity:

Pose questions that invite exploration, like, “What if we picked the pieces that are working well, and then added new pieces to correct the issues? What would those new approaches be? What results might we expect? ”
Share an inspiring story of another team’s success using a similar method. I’m lucky. I’ve had so many clients in my world that I can always find something to use as an analogy. It doesn’t have to be a perfect match. A key shared aspect will do the trick.
Frame your idea as an experiment, inviting collaboration instead of confrontation. One of the things I learned early in my consulting and client career was that change is easier to accept when it’s not viewed as abrupt, all encompassing, and a dictate. Which is how we’ve been programmed to perceive it. I talk about it now as a slow shift, gradual adoption, beta testing (in the tech arena) and a single shift at a time in mind mastery. All or nothing puts the mind in fear, bit by bit triggers curiosity.

By redirecting attention from frustration to possibility, you not only change the emotional tone of the discussion but also open the group’s minds to new perspectives.

Mind Shifts from Frustration to Fascination

Pause and Pivot: One of the first things I learned to do as I studied our minds is to always pay attention to my attention. It’s a powerful habit. When I noticed myself focusing on frustrating behaviors, I stopped. I acknowledged the frustration and then - I pivoted to curiosity. Curiosity is a form of fascination, and a great first step out of frustration.
Engage with Fascination: Instead of continuing to state ideas, which closed the team’s minds, I learned to ask questions, which open the mind. Then I’d watch and listen, focused on the why behind the need to hang onto the status quo. I didn’t ask questions that were obvious attempts to prove I was right. I asked myself and them questions that helped everyone understand the whys behind the resistance.
Make the Conversation Safe. Frustration triggers survival mind. It’s important to get everyone back into logical thinking. I’m a naturally emotional person and I burn hot. I had to learn to get calm, to use neutral and positive language and actions to reduce tension. Your tone has a huge influence over the group’s emotional state.
Visualize Success: I discovered that listening to the negatives with fascination opened my mind to including the valuable pieces of their status quo. I focused on the result I was working toward - company success - instead of the pushback of frustration. I imagined positive results, reinforcing my fascination over my frustration.

The more fascinated I became the more fun I had. I listened more, I had better ideas and I had fun and was happy while I was doing the work.

I’m even more fascinated with our minds today, and I’ll continue to be.

The Bottom Line

Frustration is a pre-wired response to obstacles in our path. That doesn’t mean you have to allow it to control your mind. By understanding the neuroscience behind anxiety and frustration—and learning how to shift from threatened to curious—you break free from negative focus loops and open the door to growth.

The next time you feel resistance, remember: frustration is the first step toward fascination.

With the right mindset, you can turn even the most stubborn situations into opportunities for discovery, connection and a far better outcome.

Image courtesy of ronaldoadriano